I don’t particularly like the term ‘self-sabotage’.
While I have certainly felt it many times in my life and found myself saying it aloud, to myself and to other people – almost as an excuse – when I hear my hypnotherapy clients use it as their reason for seeking help, it truly highlights what negative self-talk this is.
Over the past two years, as I have been training in clinical hypnotherapy and Mind Coaching to complement my Reiki and corporate wellness practice, I find myself working predominantly with entrepreneurs. What is interesting to note is that most are serial entrepreneurs, usually whatever they are doing now is not their first venture or iteration, they have pivoted. ‘Pivot’ is a word that takes on special meaning within the startup world and can be seen in one of two ways (1) an end – often misinterpreted as failure, or (2) the beginning – after some necessary recalibration.
The perceived difference between these factually-identical states is resilience. And resilience, while innate for some, can be cultivated and strengthened. [Read also: Reiki for Building Resilience]
Even if you think you are new to hypnosis, let me start by explaining that hypnosis is all around us, from the news and political commentary we hear, to the marketing images and messages we absorb. In fact, how we speak to ourselves is a form of self-hypnosis and can often be an insidious inner dialogue that is not honest, nor objective, nor helpful. Successful people learn to minimise this negative self-talk as a conscious choice and ongoing effort, but it is a choice and effort that is worth making.
Hypnosis, or more specifically, Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool for personal and professional goal achievement. It prepares your mind for the inevitable challenges ahead and uses these challenges for structured and repeatable learning. It also helps to identify the same issues that tend to appear over and over again in your life. These are the important ones. This is where the real learning is and, most often, these recurring issues hold the key to unlocking your successful future. Deep down, you already know this. Hypnotherapy simply allows your conscious mind to momentarily step aside so that you can access the innate wisdom and utter resourcefulness of the subconscious mind.
Our 2019 Choice Hypnotherapy Package is a three-session package designed to help busy people who might be feeling overwhelmed and focus them with CLARITY, through to CHOICE (clear decision-making) while building CONFIDENCE to be able to use this process as a tool/skill for all aspects of life.
Email Hello@ExplosiveSpirit.com to book sessions in Dublin or Wicklow.
The world of start-ups can be a daunting one. Entrepreneurs are often overwhelmed by the sheer amount of info out there and start-up events often compound this confusion. Throwing more ‘motivation’ into the ring with attendees leaving these events pumped up but still none the wiser than when they came in. With the Start Summit, however, we aim to change this.
In the words of award-winning entrepreneur and founder of the event, Jamie White, ‘the start summit is the event I wish was there for me when I was starting out’. This event is about providing entrepreneurs with the information and connections they need to serve them going forward. We want to provide practical and implementable advice that can be directly utilised as well as nurturing partnerships between start-ups and the supports available to them
So how are we doing this? The Start Summit Conference on September 15th provides attendees value through 4 main areas. The first of which are our keynote speakers Ray Nolan, Jacquie Marsh and Pat Falvey, each delivering an inspiring talk on the main stage. The next area is our panel discussions, where we have put together 3 panels made up of some of Ireland’s most interesting entrepreneurs. Attendees will be exposed to open format information and will also get the chance to ask the experts their own questions. Next, we have workshops in a range of areas including accounting, legal bases and website design. Here industry leaders will offer area-specific advice that is crucial to know. Finally, our 20 exhibiting partners will be answering all questions attendees may have, 1 to 1.
This format allows us to mix inspiration and motivation with pragmatism. Attendees will leave with a fresh perspective on business, invaluable information for their own startup ideas and connections to last a lifetime.
To find out more: www.thestartsummit.com
Don’t let someone you love down – be there, as they won’t be there forever.
Today is the day.
Today I must learn how to live without my mother in my life and right now, in this moment I have no idea where to find the strength to do so. Losing someone you love is always hard; I know that. I have lost people I have loved dearly but this…this is different. I already recognise the differences in me, my mood and my outlook. I am lost.
I had plenty of warning – I knew this was going to happen yet somehow, I pushed the reality aside to deal with it ‘in the moment’ rather than let myself mourn her impending death. So now I am left shattered, broken and sad as everything from the last few years comes to a grinding halt. The rushing, the worry and the battle to keep mum healthy and I lost; we lost.
In March, mum went into hospital for the last time from home. It was a day I remember well as my kids were breaking up for Easter holidays and I was looking forward to the break. It only ever takes one phone call and in an instant, you are catapulted into hell. It was bad, bad enough to warrant thinking the worst. In the days that followed, mum went through horror – some days she didn’t know what was going on, she suffered psychosis, hallucinations and fear. If we left her side for a minute she would flip out and then on the other days she didn’t realise who we were before constantly latching to one word and repeating it over and over and over again. Then she got a little better but not without its problems, she was a nervous wreck. Having fought for her life so many times at this stage she was a fractured lady. That day I begged her not to give up fighting; I begged her to stay but with her current state of mental health it was hard to know how much she understood. Days and weeks followed in a horrible rollercoaster of ups and downs with another infection attacking her before she went back to hallucinations and battled to come back to us.
The funny thing is you always think you have seen the worst because you think it is the worst thing ever, but I have learnt that everything can get worse in time. Soon, she couldn’t breathe on her own and she lay in the bed with tears streaming down her face but mute. She withdrew, and you could sit beside her for hours without her uttering a single word to you. We begged her to eat but she couldn’t, and she developed a dependency on the breathing machine leaving her helpless and it was then her medical team told us we didn’t have long – that was 5 weeks before she died.
We never told her, we decided that her anxiety and fear would become worse if we did so we told her she was terribly sick but never that she was leaving us. We hoped she could get better. Without eating, she didn’t have long and because of her spinal disease that left her paralysed she was not a candidate for a food tube. In the weeks before her death she did start to chat and had her good and bad days. She relied upon the machine for breathing, she couldn’t eat and drank very little. Her pain was extensive, and it will haunt me for the rest of my life watching her wince in pain, and weep silently. Mum couldn’t be alone, and she was only left at night time, before that we did shifts of hours on end to ensure she had someone right next to her always. As I clocked up many hours in the hospital every single day – along with trying to freelance – I began to fall apart. In the last few weeks I have questioned my own mental health and have hit that brick wall many a time. Only last week I went to Dublin for work, but I had half an hour to sit and read; I felt human again. I feel guilty for that as now she is gone, and I’d do anything to go back to running up to the hospital again.
The night before mum died I did the ‘late shift’ and we had the best conversation – one that I will share with everyone one day. I tucked her in like I always did – she was freezing all the time, needing ten blankets. I massaged her paws (I called them that to make her laugh), I lay beside her watching her sleep and before I left I woke her to say good night. I told her to “stay out of trouble” – a common joke as I hit my fist into the palm of my hand. She promised she would and I gave the woman I love the last gentle kiss followed by a big cuddle into her. She said, “That’s lovely and I love you loads, I’ll stay out of trouble.” By the next morning she had fallen asleep and she wouldn’t wake again. My mum had hours to live and sadly, she died later that afternoon.
Now, days later it is finally hitting me. Today I should be in the hospital, I should be filing her nails, cleansing her face and rubbing her hands. I know she suffered and her pain is finally gone but behind her she leaves people who loved her. I miss her already and she had it so tough for so long rarely spending more than 3 months at home in a year, for the last few years. I don’t know how to begin to be normal when hospital visits and minding her were part of my being. I guess time will heal me and my family. For now, I am going to let myself grieve and mourn while putting myself first – just for a little while anyway.
If you love someone don’t ever walk away unless they know how much you love them. I take comfort in knowing she knew how much she meant to me. I didn’t have to say things to her, I showed her by being there and that’s all sick people need. Don’t let someone you love down – be there, as they won’t be there forever.
I’ll make you proud mum and I love you but then you know that already.
About Emma Hayes: Emma is a member of our freelance team and her writing can be found over on https://www.facebook.com/emmasjots/
~Originally published in Heartfulness Magazine (USA) and in the French edition here: Le pouvoir de la paix
CAROL TALLON speaks of epic journeys, spiritual awakenings, the dark night of the soul and the healing power of love.
People talk of epic journeys starting with a single step, but I’m not too sure about this. The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that the most epic of journeys is rarely planned. Rather, it evolves over weeks, months, years and decades. Perhaps even over the course of a lifetime. Apple founder Steve Jobs said it best when he described life as a ‘join the dots’ exercise. The journey and the course that it takes is obvious in retrospect, but when you are standing amidst the dotty chaos that is life, you must trust that as you jump, skip or struggle from dot to dot, they will indeed connect in a meaningful way at the end. It all comes down to trust.
But trust is a funny concept. We trust organizations more than the people within them; think banks and bankers. We trust brands more than the products that carry their mark; think Coca Cola and Coke. We trust advisers and counselors we appoint more than ourselves. Why do you think that is?
Trust in a higher power – God, Spirit, the Universe – is inevitably given too easily or not at all. This is probably true for the trust and faith we place in ourselves. We place it too easily or not at all. What would it be like to be able to fully trust ourselves, the world around us and our place within it? No self doubts or imposter syndrome. What would that even look like?
I have no insight greater than yours, but I believe that it would look like peace; personal peace. And if such trust caught on in this viral age, how far could this personal peace expand? To our families perhaps, to our communities, throughout our country or maybe even globally. Is this too simplistic? Perhaps, perhaps not. But I am reminded of the icon who is Malala, and I am reminded of the power of one.
Power. How comfortable are you reading that word? Power. What does it mean to you? What does the word trigger in your mind – corruption, wealth, evil or good? I have learnt to accept power as that internal spark that ignites from my spirit whenever I take the action I am guided to take. When this power kicks in, I can feel it as a palpable, chest-expanding explosion that makes my entire body tingle until my fingers feel like they are shaking. The physical feeling and energy is so strong that I feel sparks coming from my fingertips, like I could start a fire by touch alone.
Twice in my adult life I forgot my own power. I now understand and accept that it is easily done. I believe that we are all born shining, but the challenges of life wear us down and make us forget our innate, personal power. Life can dull our light, and when that happens it can be difficult to see clearly. We need the light. The world needs my light and it needs yours. Part of our role in this lifetime must surely be to nurture our inner light and to keep that internal spark from going out altogether.
The first time it happened, my life went into a state of triage with lots of people interfering, trying to help. Talking about me, never to me. Problems that were not urgent were ignored; urgent problems were attended to but nothing was healed. How could it have been? Frustratingly, nothing was learned. This crisis brought my life crashing down around me, but I resisted change and healing and help that was offered. By struggling to hold firm to my broken life, I denied myself the opportunity of a new, simpler, better life. Gone was all that beautiful potential for learning lessons and releasing destruction patterns. I got back up and limped through another few years. It was almost a decade before the opportunity came around again.
The second time, like before, did not feel like an opportunity. It felt like my world collapsing again, only this time I did not have enough strength left to even try to cling on. I was tired, my soul felt achy with tiredness. I felt broken. There are so many way to describe this time; it was more than a bad patch, this was rock bottom. I was living through my dark night of the soul.
“It reminded me that not
every awakening is gentle.
By surrendering to any help
or consolation on offer,
I experienced love.”
For the first time, I knew that there was simply no fight left in me. And that was to be my saving grace. The value of rock bottom is that there is nowhere left to fall. Therefore, there was no mask to be maintained, no denial, no running away from reality. Nowhere is more real than rock bottom and that very certainty, at a time of swirling uncertainty, became my savior. Adversity can be a powerful launch pad. Gone is the pride that refuses help, gone is the fear of failing, gone is the ego-protecting, face-saving nonsense of which I was particularly adept. It was all gone. And in its place, most unexpectedly, I found a kind of peace. But it was peace by explosion. It reminded me that not every awakening is gentle. By surrendering to any help or consolation on offer, I experienced love. I understood the importance of compassion, for myself and for others. Through these months came clarity, and that changed everything.
We may know that forgiveness, compassion, empathy and love are the way to release negative thoughts and feelings of blame, guilt or victimhood that hold us back. But sometimes that doesn’t come easily. It can be difficult to imagine or visualize sending waves of love to people when the feeling is not real. What I have learned on my journey so far is that it all begins with love.
With love, all healing can happen, as compassion is merely a by-product or symptom of that love. And with compassion, blame fades. Without blame, the need for forgiveness simply floats away. I wish I could pinpoint the moment I started to feel love on my journey. Within a day or two of it happening I had the strongest sensation of light-headedness, and explosive happiness, and peacefulness and something that I can only describe as a chest-expanding wave. None of these were familiar feelings in the six months prior, so I knew that change was in the offing.
While I was surprised, I should not have been. This is what I had asked for, what I had sought and what I had meditated for. Why are we surprised when we get what we ask for? So while I learn, if I can teach anything, let it be love. Love first yourself, and everyone else, then everything else will follow.
What exactly is resilience?
Resilience has become something of a buzzword in modern popular psychology and in the wellness conversation generally.
While there are many definitions, I believe it to be the ability – and willingness – to rally in the face of adversity. As I sat down to explore this, it occurred to me that resilience is that somewhat indefinable quality or habit that some people have of bouncing back; and this bouncing back is made easier by not recognising failure as fatal or the end result, but rather understanding that it is part of the journey.
Resilient people do not let adversity define them but make no mistake, they feel it. They feel it but do not allow themselves to be immobilised it.
While it is a habit or characteristic that we can all work on, and indeed one that we ought to work on improving throughout our lives, in my experience, true resilience is quite innate to some people. These are the people who can take the blows that life will inevitably level and recover. The speed and extent of the recovery is the only measure of resilience that I know of.
Certainly, there are some common traits that lend themselves inherently to a character we might consider to be resilient, for example, a positive attitude and optimistic nature, other skills can be learned, such as, the ability to recognise, understand and manage emotions. One of the starting points is to cultivate resilience by being mindful of who you truly are, what you are truly capable of.
As a Reiki Master, writer and general wellness advocate – not to mention, eternal student – I have come to believe that ‘framing’ is one of the most powerful tools we have when it comes to cultivating resilience. Whether this is done by personal journaling, psychotherapy, hypnosis or other techniques aimed at introspection, the important thing is to look inwards. By re-examining your life story, it offers the opportunity to find the little moments of greatness that are often buried in the re-telling of a negative story over the course of our lives. By changing the narrative, we can instill positive self-esteem by virtue of overcoming an otherwise negative experience.
Of course, resilience can really only be known when it is tested. This test might take the shape of family or relationship issues, poor health, injury, financial or other stress-inducing event. And to be clear, this goes beyond a basic ability to cope; true resilience is a measure beyond surviving and goes to the heart of a person’s commitment and desire to thrive after a setback.
Here are a few simple reminders to keep you on track:
- Accept that you are perfectly imperfect, or as we like to say, ‘human’!
- Accept where you are now and resolve to make it better; denial delays
- Ask for help, be willing to accept the help that is offered but remember that your life is your responsibility, always
- Breaks big goals into small tasks, this way, it will be easier to see setback for exactly what they are, temporary
- Take time to process, resilience is about bouncing back but after you have had time to feel, reflect and learn from the experience
How can Reiki help?
In the midst of challenging times, our thinking can become less clear and our inner voice more critical – and constant, leaving many people feeling drained and more vulnerable to despair. Understanding the importance of personal healing, Reiki facilitates a gentle space for inward reflection, leading to greater clarity of thought.
We all have a life flow energy that keeps us alive. When this life flow energy is low, we are more likely to have dis-ease in our body and feel stress. Reiki helps people to heal from within by treating the whole person, physical body, emotional body, the mind and the spirit. It seeks to reunite the trinity of mind, body and spirit in harmony. In fact, healing can occur without the practitioner identifying the cause or nature of the illness. This healing can be seen and felt in the body. Reiki does not attack the dis-ease but rather supports our well-being and strengthens our ability to heal by encouraging balance. The healing energy activates the body’s natural ability to heal itself. Energy goes where it is needed, to the source of pain/illness and blocked energies.
When in harmony, our life flow energy is high and we are more capable of being happy and healthy. It promotes positivity and clear thinking. In a complex world, it is refreshingly simple, yet powerful, healing with pure love. Please do remember that Reiki compliments all medical treatments and does not replace them.