I don’t particularly like the term ‘self-sabotage’.
While I have certainly felt it many times in my life and found myself saying it aloud, to myself and to other people – almost as an excuse – when I hear my hypnotherapy clients use it as their reason for seeking help, it truly highlights what negative self-talk this is.
Over the past two years, as I have been training in clinical hypnotherapy and Mind Coaching to complement my Reiki and corporate wellness practice, I find myself working predominantly with entrepreneurs. What is interesting to note is that most are serial entrepreneurs, usually whatever they are doing now is not their first venture or iteration, they have pivoted. ‘Pivot’ is a word that takes on special meaning within the startup world and can be seen in one of two ways (1) an end – often misinterpreted as failure, or (2) the beginning – after some necessary recalibration.
The perceived difference between these factually-identical states is resilience. And resilience, while innate for some, can be cultivated and strengthened. [Read also: Reiki for Building Resilience]
Even if you think you are new to hypnosis, let me start by explaining that hypnosis is all around us, from the news and political commentary we hear, to the marketing images and messages we absorb. In fact, how we speak to ourselves is a form of self-hypnosis and can often be an insidious inner dialogue that is not honest, nor objective, nor helpful. Successful people learn to minimise this negative self-talk as a conscious choice and ongoing effort, but it is a choice and effort that is worth making.
Hypnosis, or more specifically, Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool for personal and professional goal achievement. It prepares your mind for the inevitable challenges ahead and uses these challenges for structured and repeatable learning. It also helps to identify the same issues that tend to appear over and over again in your life. These are the important ones. This is where the real learning is and, most often, these recurring issues hold the key to unlocking your successful future. Deep down, you already know this. Hypnotherapy simply allows your conscious mind to momentarily step aside so that you can access the innate wisdom and utter resourcefulness of the subconscious mind.
Our 2019 Choice Hypnotherapy Package is a three-session package designed to help busy people who might be feeling overwhelmed and focus them with CLARITY, through to CHOICE (clear decision-making) while building CONFIDENCE to be able to use this process as a tool/skill for all aspects of life.
Email Hello@ExplosiveSpirit.com to book sessions in Dublin or Wicklow.
The world of start-ups can be a daunting one. Entrepreneurs are often overwhelmed by the sheer amount of info out there and start-up events often compound this confusion. Throwing more ‘motivation’ into the ring with attendees leaving these events pumped up but still none the wiser than when they came in. With the Start Summit, however, we aim to change this.
In the words of award-winning entrepreneur and founder of the event, Jamie White, ‘the start summit is the event I wish was there for me when I was starting out’. This event is about providing entrepreneurs with the information and connections they need to serve them going forward. We want to provide practical and implementable advice that can be directly utilised as well as nurturing partnerships between start-ups and the supports available to them
So how are we doing this? The Start Summit Conference on September 15th provides attendees value through 4 main areas. The first of which are our keynote speakers Ray Nolan, Jacquie Marsh and Pat Falvey, each delivering an inspiring talk on the main stage. The next area is our panel discussions, where we have put together 3 panels made up of some of Ireland’s most interesting entrepreneurs. Attendees will be exposed to open format information and will also get the chance to ask the experts their own questions. Next, we have workshops in a range of areas including accounting, legal bases and website design. Here industry leaders will offer area-specific advice that is crucial to know. Finally, our 20 exhibiting partners will be answering all questions attendees may have, 1 to 1.
This format allows us to mix inspiration and motivation with pragmatism. Attendees will leave with a fresh perspective on business, invaluable information for their own startup ideas and connections to last a lifetime.
To find out more: www.thestartsummit.com
Don’t let someone you love down – be there, as they won’t be there forever.
Today is the day.
Today I must learn how to live without my mother in my life and right now, in this moment I have no idea where to find the strength to do so. Losing someone you love is always hard; I know that. I have lost people I have loved dearly but this…this is different. I already recognise the differences in me, my mood and my outlook. I am lost.
I had plenty of warning – I knew this was going to happen yet somehow, I pushed the reality aside to deal with it ‘in the moment’ rather than let myself mourn her impending death. So now I am left shattered, broken and sad as everything from the last few years comes to a grinding halt. The rushing, the worry and the battle to keep mum healthy and I lost; we lost.
In March, mum went into hospital for the last time from home. It was a day I remember well as my kids were breaking up for Easter holidays and I was looking forward to the break. It only ever takes one phone call and in an instant, you are catapulted into hell. It was bad, bad enough to warrant thinking the worst. In the days that followed, mum went through horror – some days she didn’t know what was going on, she suffered psychosis, hallucinations and fear. If we left her side for a minute she would flip out and then on the other days she didn’t realise who we were before constantly latching to one word and repeating it over and over and over again. Then she got a little better but not without its problems, she was a nervous wreck. Having fought for her life so many times at this stage she was a fractured lady. That day I begged her not to give up fighting; I begged her to stay but with her current state of mental health it was hard to know how much she understood. Days and weeks followed in a horrible rollercoaster of ups and downs with another infection attacking her before she went back to hallucinations and battled to come back to us.
The funny thing is you always think you have seen the worst because you think it is the worst thing ever, but I have learnt that everything can get worse in time. Soon, she couldn’t breathe on her own and she lay in the bed with tears streaming down her face but mute. She withdrew, and you could sit beside her for hours without her uttering a single word to you. We begged her to eat but she couldn’t, and she developed a dependency on the breathing machine leaving her helpless and it was then her medical team told us we didn’t have long – that was 5 weeks before she died.
We never told her, we decided that her anxiety and fear would become worse if we did so we told her she was terribly sick but never that she was leaving us. We hoped she could get better. Without eating, she didn’t have long and because of her spinal disease that left her paralysed she was not a candidate for a food tube. In the weeks before her death she did start to chat and had her good and bad days. She relied upon the machine for breathing, she couldn’t eat and drank very little. Her pain was extensive, and it will haunt me for the rest of my life watching her wince in pain, and weep silently. Mum couldn’t be alone, and she was only left at night time, before that we did shifts of hours on end to ensure she had someone right next to her always. As I clocked up many hours in the hospital every single day – along with trying to freelance – I began to fall apart. In the last few weeks I have questioned my own mental health and have hit that brick wall many a time. Only last week I went to Dublin for work, but I had half an hour to sit and read; I felt human again. I feel guilty for that as now she is gone, and I’d do anything to go back to running up to the hospital again.
The night before mum died I did the ‘late shift’ and we had the best conversation – one that I will share with everyone one day. I tucked her in like I always did – she was freezing all the time, needing ten blankets. I massaged her paws (I called them that to make her laugh), I lay beside her watching her sleep and before I left I woke her to say good night. I told her to “stay out of trouble” – a common joke as I hit my fist into the palm of my hand. She promised she would and I gave the woman I love the last gentle kiss followed by a big cuddle into her. She said, “That’s lovely and I love you loads, I’ll stay out of trouble.” By the next morning she had fallen asleep and she wouldn’t wake again. My mum had hours to live and sadly, she died later that afternoon.
Now, days later it is finally hitting me. Today I should be in the hospital, I should be filing her nails, cleansing her face and rubbing her hands. I know she suffered and her pain is finally gone but behind her she leaves people who loved her. I miss her already and she had it so tough for so long rarely spending more than 3 months at home in a year, for the last few years. I don’t know how to begin to be normal when hospital visits and minding her were part of my being. I guess time will heal me and my family. For now, I am going to let myself grieve and mourn while putting myself first – just for a little while anyway.
If you love someone don’t ever walk away unless they know how much you love them. I take comfort in knowing she knew how much she meant to me. I didn’t have to say things to her, I showed her by being there and that’s all sick people need. Don’t let someone you love down – be there, as they won’t be there forever.
I’ll make you proud mum and I love you but then you know that already.
About Emma Hayes: Emma is a member of our freelance team and her writing can be found over on https://www.facebook.com/emmasjots/
elephantjournal.com had a great article on the site earlier this week about the full moon which occurs on June 28th here in Ireland (or on the 27th in Iowa where my daughter is currently enjoying her summer!).
According to author Alex Myles, this will be the most transformational and healing full moon of the year. She explains that:
“The full moon will be in the sign of Capricorn, which is represented by the mountain goat that climbs upward at a steady pace and is the sign connected to manifesting, ambition, and goals. This moon will be emanating a strong lunar energy that delivers abrupt change, which will be noticeable a few days before and a few days after it reaches its fullest illumination”.
Falling midway through the year, the vibration of this moon creates energy shifts that activate deep inner healing and encourages personal transformation. For some people, this full moon will be the culmination of challenges felt since the January new moon and the releasing of any associated karma.
How this is likely to feel
This energy shift may result in feelings of wanting to be alone or distancing ourselves from the people around us in order to regain our focus and to achieve a deeper level of personal grounding. As such calmness is unusual during the energy of a full moon, this slowing down affords us the opportunity to look inwards and perhaps deal with/heal some of our innermost emotional wounds.
The author suggests that:
“When we are aware of where we hold tension, pain, or anger, we can lightly question the reasons for clinging to it. If the reasons are not apparent, we can gently trace our roaming thought patterns until we eventually reach the undesirable feelings—and then, hopefully, find the root cause. When we do this, we often discover that although we may think the emotional discomfort or pain we experience daily is recent, it usually exists due to being triggered by past (mostly forgotten) events.”
This is where hypnotherapy can help to identify triggers and unlock trapped pain that creates resistance and causes blockages that prevent us from attracting what we want. It is a cycle of self-sabotage that can be halted if and when you are ready to face up to past issues. This full moon is an ideal time to carry out such inner child work provided this can be done with becoming emotionally overwhelmed (which, according to the article, not only blocks healing, but also inflames old pain).
I always consider a full moon to be a good time to let go of old baggage and old struggles, somehow, there always seems to be more in need to release. My theory about this is that we are only exposed to what we can endure at that time. As we build resilience – which Reiki is great for – we deal with more and more baggage at increasingly deeper levels. This is the most effective form of pattern-breaking that I know of and the discipline of breaking toxic patterns or habits is second only to our self-awareness and willingness to acknowledge them.
Also, in much the same way at the start of a new year is a great time for deep energy cleansing with the blank slate offering potential for a new start, the mid-year new moon offers the same potential for transformation.
How to make the most of this full moon
- Hold the intention for healing
- Meditate on recurring challenges and search for deeper underlying connections
- Let go of recent struggles
- Be open to transformation
- Allow yourself to dream
I will leave you with this thought from the author:
“This full moon is the start of a new mission—and one that when we reach the Capricorn new moon on January 6th, 2019, we will be astounded at what we’ve gained and achieved. When we are determined and focused, the universe supports us by providing signs, synchronicities, and opportunities to make magic happen.”
For information on Reiki and Hypnotheraphy sessions in Ireland contact hello@ExplosiveSpirit.com
What exactly is resilience?
Resilience has become something of a buzzword in modern popular psychology and in the wellness conversation generally.
While there are many definitions, I believe it to be the ability – and willingness – to rally in the face of adversity. As I sat down to explore this, it occurred to me that resilience is that somewhat indefinable quality or habit that some people have of bouncing back; and this bouncing back is made easier by not recognising failure as fatal or the end result, but rather understanding that it is part of the journey.
Resilient people do not let adversity define them but make no mistake, they feel it. They feel it but do not allow themselves to be immobilised it.
While it is a habit or characteristic that we can all work on, and indeed one that we ought to work on improving throughout our lives, in my experience, true resilience is quite innate to some people. These are the people who can take the blows that life will inevitably level and recover. The speed and extent of the recovery is the only measure of resilience that I know of.
Certainly, there are some common traits that lend themselves inherently to a character we might consider to be resilient, for example, a positive attitude and optimistic nature, other skills can be learned, such as, the ability to recognise, understand and manage emotions. One of the starting points is to cultivate resilience by being mindful of who you truly are, what you are truly capable of.
As a Reiki Master, writer and general wellness advocate – not to mention, eternal student – I have come to believe that ‘framing’ is one of the most powerful tools we have when it comes to cultivating resilience. Whether this is done by personal journaling, psychotherapy, hypnosis or other techniques aimed at introspection, the important thing is to look inwards. By re-examining your life story, it offers the opportunity to find the little moments of greatness that are often buried in the re-telling of a negative story over the course of our lives. By changing the narrative, we can instill positive self-esteem by virtue of overcoming an otherwise negative experience.
Of course, resilience can really only be known when it is tested. This test might take the shape of family or relationship issues, poor health, injury, financial or other stress-inducing event. And to be clear, this goes beyond a basic ability to cope; true resilience is a measure beyond surviving and goes to the heart of a person’s commitment and desire to thrive after a setback.
Here are a few simple reminders to keep you on track:
- Accept that you are perfectly imperfect, or as we like to say, ‘human’!
- Accept where you are now and resolve to make it better; denial delays
- Ask for help, be willing to accept the help that is offered but remember that your life is your responsibility, always
- Breaks big goals into small tasks, this way, it will be easier to see setback for exactly what they are, temporary
- Take time to process, resilience is about bouncing back but after you have had time to feel, reflect and learn from the experience
How can Reiki help?
In the midst of challenging times, our thinking can become less clear and our inner voice more critical – and constant, leaving many people feeling drained and more vulnerable to despair. Understanding the importance of personal healing, Reiki facilitates a gentle space for inward reflection, leading to greater clarity of thought.